How to listen to yourself: the magical 4 step process of NVC

NVCHave you ever heard about non violent communication (NVC)? This is an approach to nonviolent living based on Marshall Rosenberg theory.

I had the opportunity of taking part in an amazing international training course “C4C- Communication for Cooperation: Next Chapter ” in Slovenia, where I learnt a lot about this interesting topic.

What do I think of it? I can say I have really got a lot of inspiration beside knowledge and skills. It has been a great chance to learn about this specific topic through no-formal education. The result is simply amazing, since I found out a lot about communication itself.
This is why I wanted to share with you the NVC approach: I also realized how could it be useful for your personal development.

The magical 4 step process of NVC

There are magical 4 steps: observation, feelings, needs and request.
Let us move on and explore them a bit more deeply.

1* Observation

This is the starting point. In this part you should only focus on facts (just as they are), without considering any judgement nor evaluating them in terms of right or wrong. It is important to be as realistic and objective as you can.

2* Feelings (Emotions)

Moving on you reach the feelings part. This step is surely linked with the previous one and it needs to be distinguished from thoughts or concepts. It is so important to listen to yourself and realize which are the feelings evoked by facts.

3* Needs

Welcome to the 3rd step, where are needs, human needs. These are based on feelings: you should listen to your heart and follow your instinct in order to express and clarify your needs. This part does not include any strategy for meeting needs.

4* Request

The last amazing step is the request for a specific action. In this phase you should be as specific as you can, in order to formulate a very concrete request based on your feelings and needs.

How could you use it?

You can use this amazing 4 step process in three different ways:

  • Self-expression, by expressing authentically your own experience to another person;
  • Empathy, listening to another NVC speaker with deep compassion;
  • Self-empathy, by listening to what is alive in yourselves.

What did I find out?

As mentioned above, one of the ways of application of NVC is the self-empathy dance. It may take some time to understand it properly, but this approach helps you to connect with what is going on inside you. I am sure that if you start to practice it on a daily basis, it could become a very healthy habit.

The result? Simply amazing. I experienced it for the first time and I got a lot of motivation through it. By using this method, you can really get closer to yourself, finding out which are your needs and making a specific request on each situation you decide to analyze.

I wanted to thank a lot the trainers Olga Kuczynska and Laris Guerri for the passion and love they put while sharing their knowledge and experiences related to the communication field.
Also big thank you to Nava Vardjan and the whole Slovenian partner organization “Zavod Dobra pot” for make this project amazing.
And a super hug to the whole great group of participants who attended the project.

Non-formal education: an amazing way to learn every time something new 😉

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